I’ve had this major epiphany. Either that, or I have completely lost my mind.
This is the “epiphany” I had recently. I want to be a writer. I take that back. I am already a writer. I want to be a “professional.”
Yep. That has always been a dream of mine, ever since I wrote my first story-a 75 page or so story about two girls who switch bodies and lives (think “Freaky Friday” 12-year-old style). That was in the summer of 1985.
Ever since that summer I have known I wanted to write, and I have wanted to be published. Which is where this major epiphany comes in.
It is now almost 30 years later and not only have I not published anything, but I have not tried.
For years, only a few select people knew that I liked to write. When I was married, not even my husband realized how much I really like to write.
I remember when I was a member of a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) and on a retreat. I announced to the group that I wanted to be one of “those” people. You know, the person that is mentioned in the following conversation:
“Have you read the latest book by Resa D?”
It was the first time I had ever admitted this to anyone. By the way, I am working on a novel. I’ve been working on it for some time now. My daughter Jacqueline, who is the only person to have ever read any part of it, tells me that it is quite good and that she looks forward to when I finish the story, so she can see how the story ends.
One of the major reasons why I went back to college was (besides needing a better job with better pay, because lets face it, most 40 somethings aren’t going to college) is because I really wanted to pursue my love of writing. This is how I ended up as an English major. It was one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life.
So back to this epiphany. One of the things that had always scared me about attempting to get published is what if no one likes what I write?
Well, even if that is true (which it isn’t, because I am proud of my own writing so I have at least one fan), does it matter? Not anymore. And the fact of the matter is that no one will ever not like my writing if I don’t ever share it with anyone.
So this is what I was telling Jacqueline yesterday when we were talking about my blog and what I had written. For so long I have wanted to share my writing with the world. Well, that isn’t going to happen on its own. The publishing fairy isn’t going to knock on my door and give me a book contract. I’m not going to walk into Barnes and Noble or be surfing on the internet one day and magically see my book waiting there for someone to purchase. I am the only one who knows this story inside in my head, and it is up to me to tell it.
I’m realistic enough to realize that even the best writers get a rejection letters. The difference between those writers and me is only the fact that they tried.
I’ll never reach my goal…if I don’t at least try.
Your mid-life crisis is also my quarter-life-every-damn-day crisis. As I was writing my last post, I had one of my infamous “what am I DOING with my life?” meltdowns, and actually went on social media to call my decision to pursue a B.A./M.F.A. in Creative Writing the “worst decision in the history of me” (which, of course, isn’t true; I’ve made plenty of terrible decisions).
Blogging is a huge step in the direction of publishing. I tout my blog as my biggest accomplishment, even though I struggle to post regularly. It’s something you can point to and say, “See, I’m letting the world read this and I don’t even care what they say.”
Keeping trying! 😀 😀 😀
Thanks. 🙂 I keep telling myself that this isn’t the worst decision in the history of me…but you know, I still have my doubts.
Gotta go with your gut instinct sometimes 🙂